Comic interpretation of HeavyMetalGeek going to the doctor

click for full image

Funny the exact same thing happens to women.....

When I stick my "wunder boner" into them........


The Wunder Boner - Watch more Free Videos

"My wife would like that."

Yes, yes I bet she would.

This morning, I raised a barn before sun up....

So my work has a beard growing contest going for charity (http://dynedge.com/beard-off-2008.html)

well I had a total scruff shoe bomber beard going and it was bugging the crap out of me. So rather than concede the inevitable defeat, I just trimmed it up and holy shit I know look like I should live in Southern Pennsylvania.



















I suddenly have the urge to make things out of wood.

Let it Glow! Let it Glow! Let it Glow!

Its Christmas time and so that means the the West family Casa is full blown FELIZ NAVIDAD'ED

I've always liked Christmas but now with the little ones the magic is back more than before and I have my own pad to decorate. I will always light up my house for the month of December for the holidays. It sucks that especially now with everyone price conscious that you don't see neighborhoods lit up with lights. I enjoy going with the family on nights in December and cruising around neighborhoods to see lights. (We just did it Sunday) and that brings me to today's rant on the new trend in holiday lighting. LEDs.

I fucking HATE these lights, yes I know they are energy efficient but fuck them right in their little stupid LED faces.

A house should GLOW with Christmas Lights

Good House (Mine of course)







Look at that shit glow with epic Griswaldian C9 lights.
(yes I know a lot of people hate the blowups but fuck you my daughter likes it so breathe a dick.)






Now compare that to this example of a shit hole LED house:


Wow Nice lights...You look like a convenience store or a bowling alley.
(ps. BLUE IS NOT A CHRISTMAS COLOR...FUCK OFF BLUE, you are not welcome in strands, only sparingly in a multi lit set.)






As you can see these lights sucks as much as they shine, with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean that house looks like something from Tron, not a festive glowing house of Christmas Cheer.
You might as well string up EAT AT JOE'S on your roof rather than Merry Christmas.

Fuck You LEDs

Out F***ING STANDING!

I love FPS Gaming, I've been Playing them for over 10 years now (My first was Delta Force 2)

I played the hell out of all the DF series with various friends until Medal of Honor was released This opened me up to the world of WWII FPS and I wasted MANY Hours playing that and its sequels, then it was on to Call of Duty and MANY MORE Hours of playing with that. After awhile it grew thin and I moved on to Battlefield 2 with some friends. This was extremely fun but then the group I played with moved to COD2 at this point I was pretty tired of WWII games. I eventually bought the game and played it for about 3 weeks and was super pissed. It was like the same damn game as the original just prettier.

Enter 2006 and I bought an XBOX 360, November rolls around and COD4 gets released and Holy shit this is hands down the best FPS game Ive ever played. Its been a year and I still have played the shit out of this with buddies logged tons of time and still love. Alas all good things must come to a close. Today Call of Duty: World at War was released and though after COD2 I VOWED I would never buy another WWII game. I never even intended on buying this, but I started watching videos and seeing game play and my interest peeked and peeked.

Last week I downloaded the Beta MP demo and HOLY SHIT this was some major fun. It only had 3 maps but we played the shit out of it. I can't wait to get home and throw in this game that is mocking me sitting here on my desk at work.

If you wanna bake a pretty cake

YA gotta do the cooking by the book!



BRILLIANT!

RAGE BUILDING

what an asshole of a parent, I hope this video gets somewhere and they take this guys kid away. I don't give a shit if he's smiling at the end its probably from the brain damage of his brain sloshing around


Bouncing Baby Boy - Watch more free videos

Thanks a lot JERK!

So my wife recently put me on to google's RSS reader site
http://www.google.com/reader

and HOLY CRAP! I am addicted (not so much as my wife who is probably reading this post RIGHT NOW. GET BACK TO WORK!..lol )

It makes browsing the webs a lot more convenient and efficient no more pesky clicking bookmarks and "surfing" from site to site, I now have it refreshed and updated with pretty much every site's RSS feed that I visit. The interface is very intuitive (such as marking an article read as you scroll thru it) and all in all makes it a quick and easy way to check out the sites. Plus its not just some shitty blurp, its the actual pretty much full article you would see on the site, then you can click to it if there is more after the "jump"

I even added a "subscribe" link on my bookmark toolbar in firefox so that if I am on a new site I like, I can just click that and it will add it to my reader

I'm sure there are a ton more features that I will be sure to play around with to make it even better. Be sure to check it out!

BLOOP!

Yes tonight I am embarrassed to admit I went achievement whoring on my xbox 360. Now if you are unaware, the Achievement system is a system setup for all 360 games where you receive them for completing certain tasks in games. Some simple (YOU TURNED ON THE GAME!) to ridiculously hard(beat the hardest fucking song ever on 100% on extreme rape difficulty in Guitar Hero III)

Now Its always nice to hear the trademark ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED sound heard here (BLOOP)

But it was never something I sat down and said "I am getting these tonight." Not anymore.

I was talking with my buddy Dan and he said after I had told him I got 2 achievements and 75 pts in a baseball game that he needed to stay way ahead of me so he worked extra hard today and got another achievement. I told him you know what I'm whoring tonight. It was the 1st time I went to play just to get achievements and not just have fun.

I fired up my old football game, put it on rookie tard master level and got to work. 1st up, some passing and scoring achievements. I hit the field as Tom "Jesus" Brady and unleashed play action pass after play action pass to Randy Moss. It was so rediculously easy.

Complete a 90 Yd pass, BLOOP! 30 pts
then thru the course of the game which I ended up winning 105-10 (I gave them a TD to get the ball back) BLOOP, BLOOP, BLOOP, BLOOP
Score 84 pts in a 5 min quarter game
throw for 500 yds passing
have 650 yds of offense
(Brady was 18-21 for 701 yds and 10 TDS...lol)
Bam game over and 160 pts in my hand

Now its time to get a couple more out of the way for running. new game, this time Im unleashing reggie bush.

I needed the 100% pass completion in a game one so I threw a quick dump pass right away, never to pass again in the game...1-1 11 yds passing

next I needed 40 rushing attempts in a game by 1 player. I fed the defense a healthy dose of Bush(LOL) and got the 40 attempts.

I had tried getting the average 20 yds rushing in a game with 3 backs but kept getting stopped short. Closest I had was a guy 3 carries for 19 yds, Yawn not even close. oh well 2 isnt bad. they score a late td with 7 seconds left and kick the ball to me, I run out of bounds at the 7 and run 1 last play with the back..Oh man I got a block, broken tackle! HE....COULD....GO...ALLL.THE.....WAYYYYYYYY YAYYYYYYYYYY 93 YD RUNNING TD AT THE END AND IT GAVE MY GUY A 22 YDS PER CARRY AVERAGE 1 MORE 25 PT ACHIEVEMENT!!!!!!!!

So I now only have 2 achievements left in that game but for the night I grabbed 8 achievements and 225 pts....not a bad night for a dirty achievement whore

Check my stats below

http://live.xbox.com/member/Nyck1118

Keeping with the Jesus Theme: Piano Edition

I started Piano lessson's last week. I am being taught by an 18 yr old who is droppin' knowledge on me (I have no age bias).

I have a lot to learn (reading music, etc) I have learned some very basic songs (mostly Christmas since they are so easy) I can also play the Start to Fur Elise and use my left hand...Giggity

Now it's not a lot and I have never been musically gifted but the shear fact that I can touch a piano and make it sound like nice music and not just a cat walking across a keyboard.

Maybe at some point I'll record some of my stuff to show you what I've learned.

Probably not though

Thank Jebus for DVR

Man I thank the GODS Above that they invented DVR. Its Fall and shows I watch or want to watch are coming back like a bad case of gonorrhea. Not only that but the sheer number of them makes me feel like a massive loser. Thankfully DVR lets me back catalog them

So a list (as if you give a shit)

Big Bang Theory
How I Met your Mother
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Chuck
Heroes
Prison Break
Entourage
True Blood
Dexter
Fringe
My Name is Earl
The Office
30 Rock
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Life

Then later:
Lost
24
Battlestar Galactica

This isnt throwing in shitty guilty pleasure reality tv like America's got Talent and American Idol.

The wife bot also has a few shows she likes such as Army Wives, Lipstick Jungle and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

Luckily the lions are inhaling massive amounts of schlong this year so that frees up a couple hours of time on the weekend

In Conclusion, Yes I am a massive loser and my DVR will be melting into a smoldering mass this season.

Jesus is My Friend

More funny videos from the "Tiny Entourage" channel at Heavy.com

Enough Said.

Generation Kill

I just finished the new HBO 7 part miniseries Generation Kill, based on the book of the same name, this weekend and it is a definite must see. To summarize what it is about (thanks IMDB!) A Rolling Stone reporter, embedded with The 1st Recon Marines chronicles his experiences during the first wave of the American-led assault on Baghdad in 2003.

This show doesn't pull any punches you will laugh at the dark marine humor, cringe at the violence, and find yourself screaming at your TV at some of the ineptitude (Captain America anyone? Trust me, I'm not spoiling anything but you will be begging for some "Friendly Fire.") If you are looking for some huge war monger propaganda piece...do not look here. This show does not pull any punches on a lot of the fuck ups and mishaps during the 1st month of our "liberation" of Iraq and I commend Evan Wright for his work. (Nice running from the sniper btw)

Does this best HBO's best miniseries Band of Brothers? No way, but its pretty damn close.

FFS.......

This morning I read a blog from a girl I went to HS with basically lambasting Obama saying that the president needs to be a white man and bitching that Obama was once a Muslim. Well guess what. Obama was never a muslim. His father was.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/muslim.asp

then I hear today from my mother in law. "I don't even know why he is trying? they are gonna elect this fuckin black guy and someone is gonna shoot him. No matter what he is going to get shot"

Jesus christ I'm glad that we still have these views and total shit claims based on no facts at all.

Okay I'm done being Digg.

Vacation: Wednesday Update

Current Awesome Level: 2

Reason: Massive suckage due to rain and 60 degree weather. Though I'm not at work or where I would currently be which is on I94 driving home.

Location: Inside cabin, Deep Ceek Lake, Maryland

Activities: Sleeping, Reading, TV, Shopping, Eating

Drink: Kick Ass Coffee

Fuckin Weather. I love this place but hate the weather.

PS. Uno Rules.

Are you ready for some football...Fantasy football.

Yes I am a Fantasy sports geek. I play it in all 4 major sports and usually have 4 teams each season. However Football is probably my favorite. I have never played for money because I think I would obsess to much about it, though I'm sure I can win some money
Click here to see my performances

My team name for the last 5-6 years has been Dislocated Elbows. It came from me losing a league when my best player that year went out for the season right before the playoffs with a dislocated elbow. That sounds painful as fuck and it stuck.

If you are sitting there going what the fuck is this shit he's talking about then check out this
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fantasy_football_(American)


A lot of people think this is nerdy as hell and guess what? it is and I love it. To me it gives excitement to every game in the league not just your favorite team or a big time match up. I can watch other teams and enjoy the game cause I have a vested interest in it. you know you are truly hooked when a guy scores on your favorite team and you go FUCK YEAH because it just gave you a win in a league. I'm not sure what it is. The draft, especially a live one is great with all the shit talking and excitement for waiting for your pick. Its also the matter that in fantasy football you are always in it and can determine playoffs as a spoiler if your shitty team knocks off a guy on the bubble. It can be frustrating as hell especially if it happens to you(it has to me..man I was pissed)

This is the 1st year I hadnt bought a book and done a lot of research. Hell I even missed my own league draft that I run online. So lets hope this year isn't a disaster.

Vacation

It's amazing that in 12 years of work, I have never had a full week off paid. Its always been a 3 day weekend or a day off here or there. But with the paid week off and throw in the weekends and Bonus Labor Day and BIZOW! 10 full days off in a row \m/

Tomorrow we will be traveling to a family cottage on the lake in Maryland. I'm excited to see it, even though there are no intertubez NOOOOOO!!!!!!! I have plenty of tunes and movies/shows and a copy of Stephen King's The Stand to past the free time when not out enjoying the weather.

Cabin and Lake view

So I'm off to soak in the rays and enjoy some much needed R&R

To those of you at work next week..

Taggin' Dat Music

I decided to whip my music collection into shape this weekend and get it all set up neatly so I can enjoy it more. I'm so sick of the radio playing the same 15 songs over and over and over. I keep hearing Daughtry and Leona Lewis every damn time I turn on the radio....I get it good songs but stop wearing that shit out!

Anyway I digress...I put them in folders by Artist, then title and then used MP3Tag to change all the tags and add all the fancy cover art.

It is a lifesaver super easy utility that everyone should have if you have mp3's/
http://www.mp3tag.de/en/

It makes it so easy to label and add Tags as well as change your file name so its not. crazydudemix01_crazydude.mp3 or something lame ass like that.

Hell I even went a step further and used winamp remote and now I can listen to my tunes at work or on my 360. Read more about it here He sums it up better than I can. It was super easy to set up.

A story in Email

My best bud Dan and I would message back and forth to each other thru the course of the day at work before his work let him go earlier this year. and let me tell you its pure gold.

this was 2 and a half years worth of thoughts, arguments and statements which when counted today totaled 15,648........

Yea thats right, fifteen and a half thousand peeks into our demented mind and thoughs. Now I would share some of these golden nuggets with you right now but

1. there are 15,648 of them
2. You probably wouldn't understand half of what we say anyway since we have our own special (Helmet Special) sense of humor and phrases
3. 10% of them would probably have Jesse Jackson, the KKK, the FBI and basically every group on the planet knocking on our door. (the Government is probably hacking my emailz as we speak)

Just wait, one day I'm going to publish a book of all these, only two people will probably ever buy it (Dan and I) but it will be the funniest god damn book on the planet.

Stay tuned for nuggets of gold in the future if I feel up to it.

PS. If you have a job for my buddy hook him up! He's a hard worker I swear!

Firefox Hacks: Stylish

Here's a handy app that allows you some customization of your firefox browser via quick clicks.

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/2108

Using that extension you can then go to http://userstyles.org/stylish/ and h4x0r your firefox to make it slim, prettier, more functional and tons of other little tweaks. Whats bests is you can preview the change before you add it and can easily remove it if it borks your FF.

Lifehacker had a great article on some terrific tweaks. Some I used and gave me a tone more browser space.
http://lifehacker.com/396741/functional-firefox-user-styles

My favorites are the Auto-Hide the Bookmarks Toolbar and Hide the Edit and Help menus(who the fuck uses that crap anyway...everyone knows how to cut and paste)

You want a slick ass firefox browser, throw in stylish and tweak away. Have fun!

WTF Nerd!

I stepped into new depths of geekdom this week and you know what. I like it.

What I am referring to is a new show I just started watching which brings me into the realm of Sci-Fi Geektitude and that my friend is Battlestar Galactica

The show is pure nerd and I love it. It follows a fighter ship "Galactica" and its stories after a race of robots called Cylons, which man created, have destroyed mankind leaving only about 50,000 surviving members of the human race. The new twist is that the cylons have "upgraded" and mimic humans and not just the tin cans you see in the background above

Case in point ....

Take ME to your leader...

In case you didnt know shes a robotic bad ass.

This show mixes the perfect amount of sci-fi, action, great story line and cool visual effects. They have this certain camera view that is usually used in space that is just really cool to me, its hard to explain, its like a shaky zoom cam you see in some video games

an example can be seen here about 25 seconds in


Regardless I am catching up on it and recommend it if you are sci-fi fan at all

King and Queen of The Douchebags

I pride myself in never seeing one second of this show called The Hills on MTV. From what I can tell it is a lame ass show that follows around 6-8 pampered socialites who have no grasp at all on the real world, but think their life is so hard.

Their life consists of Shopping, Drinking frozen lattes, crying, partying and dealing with "Drama"

Drama my ass...OH NO BRODY Is gonna be at the party I don't know how I'm gonna live! /buys $5,000 in shoes and drives home in my lexus to go to my "job" which is getting payed 10 grand to drink at a club.

Oh such drama....Try feeding a family on a low paying job that you actually work 60+ hours a week you spoiled cunt.

Anyway the WORST of them all is the super king and queen "Heidi and Spencer" Now I will admit I am a sucker for Celeb Gossip but I have no fucking idea how these two twats make money or are famous in anyway. the absolute shitfuck of it all is that everytime they are doing anything remedial like grocery shopping, going to a ball game, going to the park, looking at homes. it turns into this giant lame ass photo shoot. Porn scripts are less set up than these phonies.

Here are some "Highlights"

OMG WUR LOOKIN AT HOMEZ!

























LOOK AT US WITH THE COMMONERS AT A DODGERS GAME (note how they are standing in front of the people who paid hard earned dollars for seats to enjoy a game...SIT THE FUCK DOWN YOU FUCKTARDS!)

























HAPPY MOTHERS DAY OMG LOOK AT THIS GIANT CARD




















WE LUV USA LOOK AT US IN DC























ZOMG I totally didnt know you were getting me these 2000 dollar shoes!!!

























GAWD!!!!!! It's like their whole god damn life is staged. Pamela Andersons Tits are more real than these two.


BONUS:
If you have lasted this long, Click here to enjoy Heidi's music video debut which too me looks like the same thing I would see on USA Network at 2:30 in the morning, the whole time I'm waiting for...WE'RE WAITING FOR YOU and a 1-900 number to pop up at the bottom.

Politics Gone Wild: Michigan Edition

what in the FUCK is going on in the state anymore. Every facet of government, small, medium or large has completely failed its public in every way shape and form.

Businesses are fleeing the state at record levels, the economy is total shit, people are losing their homes at alarming rates, and unemployment rates are the highest in the country (I have a friend who was let go and 2 months later still hasn't landed a job. My Aunt and Uncle also left the state for employment elsewhere. Best of Luck to them.)

Meanwhile the Mayor of the biggest city in the state is a total fucking piece of shit crook who can't stay out of trouble to save his god damn life. The guy is a total joke he cries about racism and this and that and how hes getting "hated" on. Just today he gets his bond revoked because he flipped shit on a detective serving a subpoena.

http://www.clickondetroit.com/news/16981263/detail.html

the best part of the whole story is this

"White's partner Kinney, a black woman corroborated with her partner's testimony and said that Kilpatrick harassed her and criticized her for working with White, who is white.

White's testimony including the statements that Kilpatrick asked her, "How can you be a black woman and be on this case? You shouldn't even be riding in a car with him, with a last name of White."

"`You should be ashamed of yourself,"' Kinney quoted Kilpatrick as saying. "`Why are you a part of this?"' "

LOL WHAT THE FUCK KWAME, Stop trying to make this out as a black vs white thing. this is a crooked fucking piece of shit vs a city who is tired of your lies and ways, you are grasping at straws and everyone is enjoying watching you implode.

Speaking of more power hungry "politicians" the school board at Willow Run Schools (My Aunt's former employer) has decided they can censor people at their whim
http://blog.mlive.com/annarbornews/2008/07/public_comments_banned_on_scho.html

OH..Okay...who the fuck are you again? Just another power hungry prick with delusions of grandeur. Both cases are perfect microcosms of this state. A once proud and mighty entity that has been ruined piece by piece by corrupt and incompetent leadership. Hopefully winds of change will start to blow, because the state is in choppy waters right now.

I won't even start on the Governor and her mishaps I need to go to bed and don't have enough time.

Till next time......

Kick Ass Utility: Glary Utilities

I stumbled across this program the other day and decided to give it a whirl on the home pc and it is pretty cool and really simple to use. Best of all its FREE for private home use.

http://www.glaryutilities.com/gu.html

It has a simple 1 touch clean up routine and then tons of other little helpful modules.

Give it a whirl

The Dark Knight Verdict: BAD ASS!

So I finally ventured out and took in this movie last night and all I can say is Holy Experience Batman! Talk about an excellent movie, this movie blends in the perfect ebb and flow of action and dialogue and mixes in a few demented laughs and HOLY SHIT moments. It truly is a great film. The actors are terrific in it and Yes I do believe that Heath Ledger deserves serious consideration for an Academy Award for this. (No, not because he's dead and some people think that is why everyone is busting a nut over it.) No its because if you enjoy the essence of the film and see what he is doing with the character you see it is truly an amazing performance. He gives the character the total feel of psychopath with absolutely no rhyme or reason. There is no ulterior motive, he does just to do.

"I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do if I caught one. I just *do* things. I'm a wrench in the gears. I *hate* plans."

- The Joker

it was truly a great experience. Great cinematography, great sound, great action, great acting and great storyline all add up to a great movie.

See this.

.....and done.

Finished off the last bit of the floor last night, now just need the trim work but here are some higher quality pix

25 Hours...and still going

My Weekend was a very "restful" one.

We spent 25 hours this weekend in 90 degree weather (my house doesn't have A/C) putting in hardwood laminate flooring in the dining room and living room. I am super sore and wore out but I am really happy with it. It really makes the house look a whole lot nicer than a beige fucked up stained carpet. (Note: 2 kids + 2 cats + 1 dog+ beige carpet = Fucked)

We have about 2 more feet to go and then ad in some trim and it will be all set.

You always hear the term sweat equity for do it your self projects. well in that case this was a 4 million dollar project.

Pretty Good, Prettttty, Prettty Good

Your god wants you to laugh, therefore hes bringing back the tools to let you

Curb Your Enthusiasm is Back like vertebrae!
http://www.reuters.com/article/peopleNews/idUSN1015695520080711

A buddy of mine let me borrow the first season a few years back and I was hooked. This show leaves you in stitches with the uncomfortable laughter and ridiculous people and situations. It leaves you thinking. Is Larry really that neurotic or is everyone in California just batshit nuts.

example: A newspaper Typo and everyone's in Larry's shit


I think the absolute hilarity of this show put up against the absolute shit that Jerry Seinfeld has put out (Bee Movie...DIAF) shows where the real creativity came from on Seinfeld.

If you watch it...get ready for more. If you don't...Start it will be well worth it.

Willkommen!

So this is it. My new chunk of netz! Be Afraid....



No not really but yea I figured why not, EVERYONE'S DOING IT! (peer pressures a motha fugga!) so why not me. stay tuned for totally useless thoughts, rants, raves and opinions

It may not be right...but its mine.